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pretty boys dolled up in pink aprons
[don't smoke kiddies:it's bad for your voice]
wFLPuri part 1. 
26th-Nov-2005 01:21 pm
NOM | 三宅健
The world hates #wafflecrack. My laptop has died and restoration is not immediately forthcoming.

But for the moment...

And now... PONY CANYON waFFLe Hour! (Or 30 minutes, really.)

[A Mysterious Figure walking down the beach sees a photo and picks it up. Some writing on it reads "To our fans KC and Kimitsu" and has the signatures of wFL on it. It's obviously a picture of wFL. Zoom-in onto the Mysterious Figure's face where the person smiles. His/Her teeth are bright and shiny.]

{Opening Song: "KIREI da" by w-inds.}

Episode 05: wFL Beach Photo-Shoot Volleyball! (Based off Tennis no Oujisama Episode 90)

[The camera pans down from the sky to the beach, where lots of people are having fun. Standing off to one side is most of wFL, along with a bunch of staff who are unimportant and shall remain nameless, and two girls - KC and Kimitsu. THe formerly mentioned staff are holding all the bags.]

Hiroki: *sitting on the ground being lazy* Dammit, this isn't fair. We had to come all the way here for a photo shoot and we're doing nothing!

Yusuke: Well, we can't do anything if the staff forgot the cameras! And the only cameras with us were with KC and Kimitsu, and they're not giving it to us if we don't get them that signed picture.

Ryuichi: This is one of the best scenes to capture and I don't have a video camera... Just look at that view... I thought it might be fun for once, but I guess not...

[Akira, Kyohei, and Yuu come jogging up to the group.]

Kyohei and Yuu: (dejectedly) Everyone...

Hisato: You couldn't find it, huh?

Yuu: Yeah. Sorry.

Kyohei: We tried really hard.

Akira: We even asked all the girls.

Yuu: THAT WAS YOU, AKIRA!

Kyohei: Dammit, fangirls are dangerous!

[Panorama of wFL looking dejected.]

Yuu: It was Akira's fault for glomping the fangirls and making them lose that picture! If you're going to punish someone, punish him!

Kyohei: Yeah, punish Akira!

Akira: *pouts* But glomping fangirls is fun...

Shinya: DAMMIT, AKIRA! Glomping fangirls isn't fun because then they glomp you back! I'd say you should go glomp every girl in the area, but you'd enjoy that too much.

Ryohei: Unfortunately, he probably would. It can't be helped, I guess. We'll just have to take another picture and sign it or get another camera.

KC: No! I want a signed picture with my Keitas!

Keitachi: (not-so-discreetly) Oh god, no.

Shinya: Speaking of which, why are you two here as well?

KC: Because we love you guys, obviously. Right, Kimi-chan?

Kimitsu: Yep! Can we glomp you now?

wFL: NO!

A-Not-So-Mysterious-Figure: I can understand your problem. You guys need a camera, right?

wFL: Eh?

[Pan-out of the Not-So-Mysterious-Figure, revealing it to be Keita's sister, Mio, with sunglasses and sunblock slathered all over. She smiles.]

KC: She looks so familiar.

Kimi: A relative?

Keitachi: *a look torn between relief and horror* (thinking) Mio?!

Mio: I'm not related to you! You need to work on your ethnicity a bit before looking like me!

Hisato: Um, and you are...?

Mio: I'm working part-time at that shop. *points to a cafe* The manager's one of my friends, and we need a lot of help and pretty boys to attract people. If you work there, we'll give you a camera.

Yusuke: That cheap?!

Mio: Hey, you need it, right?

[wFL discusses it amongst themselves.]

Hisato: Should we?

Shinya: I say it's cheap, too.

Ryohei: We need the camera without traumatizing the Keitas, though.

Mio: *leaping at Shinya* I knew you'd do it! *patting Hiroki on the shoulder* I knew you'd do it!

[Mio suddenly glomps all she can. Ryohei is lucky and slips away, but Shinya, Keifu, Hisato, and Yusuke are caught. Yusuke looks somewhat constipated.]

Shinya: Could you please not glomp us?!

Hisato: Must... get... air...

Keifu: Mommy, I don't want to die!

[Ryohei and Ryuichi look, traumatized.]

Ryuichi: Heh, I'm lucky I was standing away.

[Screen rolls away to reveal wFL working. Working... and wearing pink aprons. That look hot. It's wFL. They look hot in anything. Keitachi, Akira, and Kyohei are standing out front, trying to sell ice cream. Ryuichi is working the icee machine, while Shinya gets something from the fridge, and Yusuke is chopping something in the kitchen.]

Kyohei: Get your cold ice cream here! We've also got juice!

Akira: And free glomps!

[Keitachi and Kyohei sweatdrop heavily. Kimitsu heads up to the counter with a tray and a pink apron.]

Kimitsu: Two more icees, Doraichi~!

Ryuichi: I should really be in the back making omelets. -_-

[Pan to KC, who's also doing waitress duty, and also in a pink apron.]

KC: So, you want Curry Rice and Yakisoba, right? I'll get your order soon.

[Keifu sets down a plate in front of an eager female customer. She looks to see her server and looks right into Keifu's boyish face.]

Keifu: Sorry for the... *gets glomped* wait?

Customer: That's perfectly fine! *glomping even harder*

[After some struggle, Keifu gets free. Cut to Hisato, who's taking the orders of two giggling girls.]

Hisato: So that's a Lemon crushed ice, and a lime crushed ice, right? Would you like anything else?

Girl 1: Yes. *looks at menu*

Girl 2: *rips menu out of Girl 1's hand and tosses it aside* You.

Hisato: O_O Er, sorry. *hurriedly goes for the ices*

[Cut to Ryohei, who's serving another group of girls.]

Ryohei: Sorry for the wait. That's three iced coffees and a fruit salad. *sets the orders down in front of them*

Girls: *too busy squealing over Ryohei in a pink apron*

Ryohei: Um... don't you want your food? ^^;;

[Cut to the kitchen. Shinya is mournfully washing dishes as Yusuke chops something up using a butcher knife and Yuu ladles out curry.]

Shinya: Dammit, I hate washing dishes.

Yuu: *watching Yusuke* You're pretty good with that knife.

Yusuke: (nonchalantly) Just training from the Devilman movie. I'm pretty good with bladed weapons now. *twirls the knife in his fingers expertly*

Yuu: O.O *shivers and hurriedly goes back to pouring curry on rice* Yeah. Nice. One Curry Rice!

[Cut to the front, where Kyohei and Akira are thanking some female customers after they bought stuff. Well, Kyohei is. Akira's trying to get more glomps.]

Kyohei: *dragging Akira away* >.< Get back here, you...

Akira: Eh? Where's Keita?

Kyohei: Apparently he needed to talk with the girl who hired us... ah? Ryuichi, what are you doing?

Ryuichi: *frying something in a pan* Something. I'm thinking about cooking again. *evil smirk*

[Shots of horrified looks on everyone's faces, as well as a flashback to the last time Ryuichi cooked. Ryuichi dragged Ryohei to the pan and fried his hair. KC's look is even more horrified as she realizes she can't see Keitachi anywhere and that Ryuichi's already frying something.]

Everyone: YOU DON'T HAVE TO COOK ANYTHING! WE'VE STILL GOT A PHOTO SHOOT TO DO!

[Cut to the back of the cafe, where Keitachi and Mio are talking.]

Mio: Well, what do you know?

Keitachi: What the hell do you need a part-time job for? You're rich as a model.

Mio: I'm advertising for the summer. It's not a bad job. My looks are appreciated by cute guys, I get a tan easily, and wear beautiful outfits.

Keitachi: (dryly) If you're getting a tan, what's with all the sunblock?

Mio: Big Brother! You know it's hard to get the perfect tan!

Keitachi: *sighs* Right. Whatever. Just don't let anyone know you're related to me.

Mio: *pouts* I'm hurt. Why?

Keitachi: *eyetwitches* I don't need to be teased about wearing a swimsuit and getting the perfect tan too.

Mio: But it's important! I'm a model, you know! Just because you're a singer...!

[Kyohei, Akira, and Yuu burst open the door.]

Kyohei: Ah! Hirer-san!

Yuu: Would you mind coming in for a sec? We couldn't find the manager.

Akira: The fridge is empty and I didn't eat anything!

Kyohei and Yuu: We never said you did. -.-

Mio: Eh?

[Cut to customers, who are complaining.]

Girl 1: You know, I really wouldn't mind waiting. But all the pretty guys are in the back!

Girl 2: Yeah! What kind of service is that?

Boy: I want my girlfriend looking at me again, dammit!

Hisato: I'm sorry. If you're ugly, it's not my fault. As for your food, I'll bring it once it's done!

Ryohei: *bowing* Please just be a bit more patient.

Keifu: Oi, what's going on? The customers are complaining.

Shinya: *eyetwitching* We've got nothing to cook with! Man, you're acting just as constipated as Hiroki and Akira.

Keifu: WHAT?!

Shinya: I said, you're just as constipated as Hiroki and Akira!

[Cut to the kitchen again, where Mio's examining the empty fridge with Yuu, Yusuke, Akira, and Kyohei looking over her shoulder.]

Yuu: We've got nothing. Vegetables, meat, fish - absolutely nothing!

Yusuke: We can't make anything without stuff to cook with.

Mio: Oops... I forgot, Kitagawa-san asked me to restock...

Everyone: EH?!

Keifu: (offscreen) You wanna say that again?!

Shinya: I'm saying the customers aren't buying because they're busy glomping you! It'd be good and all if you became Akira, hell, you're even constipated like him!

Keifu: wHAT THE-?!

Yusuke: Oi, c'mon, watch the language! *tries to stop Keifu and Shinya from using swear words*

Kyohei: Dammit, normal Yusuke can't do anything to stop their fight.

Yuu: Ah, that's right! Oi, Yusukun! Look! *holds up a sign saying "You'll never get a cuter nickname!"*

Yusuke: *looks and gets surrounded by a firey aura* DEVILMAN POWERS! *starts to swing his fist wildly* Don't you dare underestimate me! I'll show you my worthiness of an original nickname!

[Shinya and Keifu looked obviously freaked out and run off.]

Keifu: AH! I DON'T WANNA DIE AGAIN!

Shinya: *narrowly avoids Yusuke's kick* Sukepon, watch it!

Yusuke: IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT! I WANT A CUTER NICKNAME!

[Keifu and Shinya have a "Holy-crap-shit-we're-dead" look on their faces as they run away and Yusuke goes around randomly smashing tables and scaring away all the fangirls. The end result is an obviously destroyed cafe. Yusuke has a total "OMG-I'll-never-get-a-cute-nickname-now-and-I-blame-everyone-but-me-for-it" look on his face as he surveys the destruction, with Hisato, Shinya, and Keifu behind him.]

Shinya: Damn, it's completely messed up.

Mio: Kitagawa-san's going to kill me! You'll never get your camera then!

Hisato: I-I'm sorry. I don't know the guy who did this.

Yusuke: OI! HOW CAN YOU DENOUNCE YOUR TWIN LIKE THAT?!

Hisato: Ah... Who are you?

Yusuke: *growls*

Mio: Whatever. You're sorry, right? Just clean it up and we'll fix it somehow.

[Camera pans down again from the sky to a giant sign that says "Beach Volleyball Tournament! If you win, you eat for free! The grand winner gets a gorgeous prize!"]

Mio: *calling into a microphone* Everybody! Please take a look! If you can beat these two guys at volleyball, *gestures towards Keifu and Keitachi on the court* you can eat for free at our cafe! If you win the tournament, you also win the grand prize of a date with the wFL members!

Yusuke: Er, and what if they really do win?

Mio: Well then, you'd better hope those two don't lose.

Yusuke: *horrified look of doom* I'm... not... Akira...

Keifu: *sighs* Why am I being volunteered for something I didn't want to do again?

Keitachi: You and me both, Furupon.

Keifu: Shut up, Tacchin.

Keitachi: *shuts up*

Mio: Hey, don't complain. You prefer this to dealing with the glomping customers, right?

Keitachi: Che...

[Two boys walk up to the court]

Boy 1: So, if we win, we get to eat for free, right?

Mio: Yep!

Boy 2: *picks up the ball* Might as well give it a try, then.

[The volleyball game starts and attracts a giant crowd, with wFL and Mio making money off the crowd. Cut to Yuu, Kyohei, and Akira with KC and Kimitsu bringing back supplies.]

Kimitsu: Man... couldn't she have restocked it herself? This isn't good for my laziness!

Yuu: (encouragingly) It's just a bit further.

[They reach the beach and overhear two people.]

Gackt: Yes! With Hyde on my team, no one can beat us!

Kimitsu: Aren't those...?

Gackt: You didn't even let them get one point, Hyde-kun!

Hyde: (dryly) That's nice... now will you stop draping yourself on me, Gackt?

KC: Oh my god, that can't be who I think it is.

Yuu: Those two guys were in that Moonchild movie, right? Ah, Kyohei, you went to see it, who were they?

Kyohei: It's Gackt and Hyde!

[Cue shots of Gackt and Hyde in all their half-naked glory.]

Gackt: *puts an arm around Hyde's shoulders* As long as I have Hyde by my side, nothing will stop this great combination from winning!

Hyde: (very dryly) Gackt, I've got a wife and kid. Let go already.

Gackt: B-but, Hyde-kun!

Bystander 1: Wow, it's Gackt and Hyde!

Bystander 2: And they're beating everyone at volleyball! They must be the best volleyball players ever!

Bystander 1: Oh, wow, they really are superstars!

Yuu: Man, super-singers, super-lyric writers, super-instrument players, super-volleyball players... what else?

KC: All right, then I'm definitely going to get their autographs too!

Kimitsu: By playing against them in volleyball?

KC: *grin* You'll see.

Gackt: Well, looks like Hyde can beat everyone! Yay, Hyde-kun!

Hyde: *sweatdropping* Gackt, please stop hanging all over me.

KC: Gackt! Hyde!

Hyde: *gulping* Another fan?

KC: I want your autographs and I'm getting them no matter what!

Hyde: Oh, that's fine. As long as you don't drape yourself on me like Gackt here.

KC: That would be fine, too. But no, I want you to play some friends of mine. If they can beat you, I get your autographs, and Gackt on a date with me.

Kyohei: *sweatdropping* This was your plan?!

Yuu: (simultaneously) WHAT FRIENDS?!

Gackt: *gulps* A-a date...? *suddenly grins* Okay! No one can beat Hyde-kun here! *glomping Hyde again*

Hyde: GACKT! I TOLD YOU I ALREADY HAVE A WIFE AND A KID!

Akira: Man, he's confident. And gay.

Yuu: *sweatdropping* You didn't already know that?

Kyohei: I'm more worried about who's going to be forced to win the autograph for her.

{Commercial Break: Buy wFL products! This has been a not-so-subliminal message brought to you by wFL crack.}

Bystander 1: A match between the superstars. This has to be good!

Bystander 2: Forget superstars, they're pretty boys!

Customer 1: Ah! That's Gackt and Hyde!

Customer 2: Haven't they been winning every game?

Customer 3: Ohhh... so the Keitas don't have a chance... *calls* DON'T WORRY, KEITAS! I'LL CONSOLE YOU WITH A DATE!

KC: *whacks Customer 3 on the head with her serving plate* MY Keitas, dammit.

Gackt: Ah, it's Tachibana Keita of w-inds., right?

Keitachi: Eh, Gackt?!

Gackt: Your White Team may have beat my Red Team at the Kohaku, but this time I have Hyde on my side! *glomps Hyde again*

Hyde: PLEASE LET GO ALREADY!

Keifu: *sweatdropping* Do we really have to take them seriously?

Keitachi: *sighs* If we can get the camera, then yes.

Shinya: So the Keitas really are playing Gackt and Hyde?

Ryuichi: How much do you wanna bet they'll lose?

Ryohei: Can't you have more faith in them?

Mio: And now, a match! Between the Tokyo Sexy Tops and the Fukuoka Furupons!

KC: YAY, FURUPONS!

Keifu: *very disturbed look* WHY FURUPON?!

Keitachi: *snickers* Heh, because Tacchin doesn't go well with Fukuoka.

Mio: It's a fifteen-point set match rally style. Every five serves, the sides change. The losing team goes out on a date with KC!

KC: Actually, if the Keitas lose, wFL becomes my harem for the year.

Mio: Oh, okay. Noted and done.

wFL: WHAT?!

Gackt: Heh, Hyde will win this for me!

Hyde: Why me? -_-;;

[Hyde starts the game off by serving, and the Keitas return it easily along with getting a point.]

KC: AAAAAAAH! The Keitas are so hot! KEITA, I LOVE YOU! <333

Keifu & Keitachi: *looking at each other* (simultaneously) She means YOU.

KC: I LOVE YOU BOTH, KEITAS! <333333

Keifu: Who's Keita? I'm Furupon.

Keitachi: Yeah, and I'm Tacchin.

wFL: *sweatdropping*

[The rest of the game continues without any dirty tricks because Gackt and Hyde must be good and honest players like that. Yeah. No defiling their names. Except... Keitachi trips and gets sand in his eyes.]

KC: AHHHH, NO, MY TACCHIN!

Keitachi: Tacchin? I'm Keita.

Keifu: Shut up about that for the moment. I need you to win this for me.

Keitachi: Without Gackt-like glomping?

Keifu: Yes, without Gackt glomps, Haido-chi.

[Figure out the bad pun here yourself.]

Keitachi: Fine. I don't want to be part of KC's harem either.

[The game continues, though Keitachi's having problems, and thus, so is Keifu.]

Hiroki: OI, KEITAS! If you lose this game, you're making up all of wFL, got it?!

Hisato: As much as I'd like to agree, you can't decide that!

KC: KEITAS! DO YOUR BEST! I LOVE YOU! <333

Kimitsu: You know, that might actually make them do worse. ^^;;

[Eventually, Keitachi's sight returns, the Fukuoka Furupons do much better, and win the game.]

Gackt: Hyde, do I really have to go on a date with her? *glomps Hyde harder with a scared look on his face*

KC: Nah, I'll settle for an autographed picture of you two.

Hyde: Done.

[Hyde hands KC an autographed picture of him and Gackt and begins to walk off, Gackt still glomping him. Something flies out of Gackt's back pocket and lands in front of KC and Kimitsu.]

Kimitsu: Waa~i! Our autographed picture!

KC: So Gackt had it?

Gackt: *realizes* Ahhh! My autographed picture of wFL's Pretty Boys! (wails) HYDE~!

Hyde: *still walking off* So get another one and stop glomping me.

Gackt: BUT I DON'T WANNA!

wFL: *sweatdropping*

[However, the wind blows the picture away into the ocean, despite wFL's best attempts to catch it.]

Shinya: Man, we have to go back anyways?

Yuu: Dammit, that hirer disappeared afterwards and KC and Kimitsu won't let us have their camera without the picture...

KC: DAMN STRAIGHT!

Keitachi: I am NOT posing for another two pictures and signing them, dammit.

Kimitsu: Your loss.

Ryohei: What a waste of time...

Kyohei: Wait, did Keita just say "another TWO pictures"?

Keitachi: Yes.

Yuu: Ah, right, we had two autographed pictures for them!

Hiroki: And since they only wanted one, that should be enough, right?

Akira: Ah! Where'd they go?!

KC: *running off* THE PICTURE'S MINE, KIMITSU!

Kimitsu: *running after KC* NO, IT'S MINE!

wFL: *chasing after them both* AT LEAST GIVE US THE CAMERAS!

{Ending Song: "Futari ga Futari de" by w-inds.}

Sorry about the lack of easy-to-read-ness... I typed it up in Notepad. -_-;;
Comments 
26th-Nov-2005 06:53 pm (UTC)
I love this crack. XD
26th-Nov-2005 09:19 pm (UTC) - I didn't watch this episode...
Well...I haven't watched a lot anyway. :x (But I remember reading about it...a little)

But it was still entertaining. LOL
Yusuke as Taka-san
Ryuichi as Inui
Hisato as Ryoma (at least that's what it feels like)
And the Keitas feel like Momo and Kaidou
Yu is Ooishi?
Ryohei is Fuji?
Maybe...Hiroki is Tezuka?
Akira is Eiji?
I don't know who Shinya and Kyohei are...
27th-Nov-2005 01:46 am (UTC)
Gawd this crack is loved. <333333 ^-^
27th-Nov-2005 10:02 am (UTC)
XD Much much much love to this crack~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3
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